Chasing Lily
by CaramelBoost
Summary: In between turning Remus into a girl, transfiguring Peter into a rock, shaving Sirius bald and cloning himself, James must find a way to convince Lily that some things are worth fighting for, and that everyone deserves a second chance... or a sixtieth. LJ
1. You CLONED me?

**Yes, 'tis true. I have decided to hop on the authoress bandwagon and do a Lily/James fic. Hopefully, you'll enjoy it anyway, despite its overdone-ness by many other fanficthors. If any of the characters are OOC I'm sorry… just tell me and I'll see if I can (or even want to) fix them, but be ****warned****: just because you tell me they're OOC, or if they even are OOC (in some cases people have been known to be wrong, so sue me), it doesn't mean I'll change them. I may happen to like them OOC. But I'll see what I can do, just because I love you all.**

**Warning: **This fic is not suitable for children under thirteen, government officials, prudes, Mpalo (Sorry Mpalo, go eat somewhere else ;D) and people prone to heart failure.

**May Contain: **Naked things, graphic oatmeal and compromising photos of your sister.

**So…:** Grab some popcorn and a drink, a pony and a sponge (for luck) and read on!

**Dedication:** To my first beta (hehe and wife ;D), Mocha-Java Boost for inspiring me and spending those long talks online talking about Padfoot and his… erm… character (pssh, yea right, we were talking about… well, let's just say more than his character ::grins wickedly::). To my second (but still extremely important!!) beta Milla for just being completely awesome and helping me out with this. And to Niobe and Tony, because they amuse me, and to **Mildetryth** because she's just cool like that.

**Disclaimer: **'tis not mine. Haha! Foiled again, evil lawyer people!

* * *

_Chasing Lily_

Chapter One: You _Cloned_ Me?!

"So Prongsie, get any hot birds over the summer?" Sirius Black, one of the four infamous Marauders, asked his best mate James Potter, also known as Prongs, as they boarded the Hogwart's Express.

It was finally the time to go back to school, and they were both, surprisingly for some, looking forward to it – the Marauder's sixth year. In other words; their second to last chance to wreak havoc and maim unsuspecting Slytherins without being in legal trouble!

James' only response was a broad grin and a sidelong wink. Of course James Potter got the girl; who wouldn't want to shag him? Other than Lily Evans, soul sex Goddess of James' dreams, of course. Shame she didn't want him back, though much to the amusement of onlookers.

The pair had just found a compartment where they sat down when the door opened and revealed the rest of them Marauders; Remus 'Moony' Lupin, and Peter 'Wormtail' Pettigrew. After much girlish squealing on Sirius' part and giant bear hugs from James, the group settled and got comfortable for the customary long train ride back.

"So Moony how was your holiday?" James questioned, popping a chocolate frog into his mouth.

"Ten galleons says it has something to do with books." Sirius muttered, so only James could hear him.

"You're on." James agreed, not bothering to swallow his chocolate before doing so.

Unaware of his friend's bet, Remus grinned openly. "I renewed the spells on my… 'transformation' room – it's soundproof now, and stronger."

The rest of the boys smiled in honest happiness for him, well, minus Peter who was busy trying to gnaw on a band that was on his wrist, and no one noticed the discreet smirk James flashed Sirius. Brow furrowed, Sirius cleared his throat. "'Nything else, Moony? Or did that take you all summer?"

"Well, I saw that Muggle girl Sarah… so it was good." Remus shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Ha! Padfoot, you owe me money!"

"Buggar."

Then Remus' eyes lit up, "Oh, and I got this great new series, '_How to spot a Magical Maladie: The Differences between their Muggle Counterparts_'; it covers things like Chicken pox and Dragon pox and how to tell which is which. Seven books in the series!"

Sirius smirked as James handed back the money that he'd almost won. "Never come between a Moony and his books; lesson number twenty-four."

"Yea well, you could use the money Pads; Andy isn't exactly a rich heiress anymore." James grinned and handed over his own ten galleons.

"Not since she married that Muggle what's-his-name Tonks anyway."

"You live with them and you don't know his name?" James quirked an eyebrow at Sirius, who shrugged nonchalantly at the question.

"Were you two betting on me?"

The conversation was halted as both boys caught sight of Remus' narrowed eyes. It was a bad idea to anger a werewolf; especially since the last full moon was only two days ago. The only way out? Lie.

"Erm… no?"

Remus shot them a suspicious glare before disappearing behind the fourth volume of his new series.

"Remus?"

Groaning, Remus set down his book and looked at Peter, who had stopped trying to bite at his wristband. "Yes, Pete?"

"Don't you have Prefect duties?" With that settled, Peter went back to chewing at his wrist; it appeared that he was attempting to take it off. Why he was doing it that way, and not simply cutting it off was a mystery, but no one bothered to correct him.

To everyone's surprise, Remus swore; Remus never swore, he was the calm one; the anchor – he didn't swear, rather he berated Sirius for swearing. "Buggar! I was meant to be preparing the new fifth year Prefects with Lily!"

James raised an eyebrow, something he had taken to over the summer, "Moony!" He admonished, "Since when have you been a foul mouth? Pads we all know and expect–"

"Hey, I'm sitting right here!" Sirius cried, with much limb flailing.

"–but you?" James shook his head in mock disappointment, ignoring Sirius' evil eye and waving hands, "What can I say? We're converting you."

Remus rolled his eyes as he carefully packed away his book. "Drama Queen." He muttered, leaving his friends alone in the compartment.

"Oi! Moony, it's Drama _King_! King! No 'Queen' whatsoever!" James called out with a desperate edge in his voice to his retreating friend.

"Awww is ickle Prongsiekins having gender problems?" Sirius snickered, his eyes never leaving James' face as he waited for a reaction.

James merely blinked, all thoughts of '_King!_' out of his mind. "Padfoot, since when do you know what the word 'gender' means?"

"Erm…"

"Have you been reading Moony's dictionary again?" James' eyes narrowed suspiciously.

Whistling innocently, Sirius kicked Peter, who'd fallen asleep in the short amount of time and was dribbling slightly, who fell off his seat with a loud shriek as he awoke to find himself on the cold, hard ground staring into James' concerned face. "Aww, I'm sorry Wormy, mate, did I just kick you?"

"Sirius, don't be a twat." James glared at Sirius' all-too-innocent expression, "You knew Peter was sleeping and you purposefully tried to–"

"It's fine, James," Peter mumbled miserably as he wiped his dirty blonde hair out of his pudgy face and continued gnawing at his wristband where he'd left off previously, "I should have been awake anyway."

"See?" Sirius crowed gleefully, "I did him a favour."

James muttered darkly about 'Marauder's code' before helping Peter up and into the seat net to him, offering him a pumpkin pastie which Peter readily accepted. "So, why are you so tired, Pete?"

Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, Peter swallowed the last of the pastie in one big gulp. "I had some last minute… stuff to do before I got back."

As if sensing his discomfort, James offered him another sweet and dropped the subject.

* * *

"Pass the chicken, Prongsie." Sirius looked expectantly at James who was staring at something further down the table. "Oi, thickhead, the chicken is getting cold!" He poked James, who had yet to respond. Deciding to try a different approach, Sirius slung his arm around James' neck, effectively catching his eye. "Lovely night, eh mate?" To really get through, Sirius batted his long eyelashes. 

"Erm… yea?" James eyed Sirius suspiciously and was wondering where this was leading and why the bloody hell Sirius had his arm around him. Honestly, the year had barely begun but after tonight James was sure there was going to be some rumour about his sexuality.

"And you know what would make it better?" Again with the eyelashes.

"A llama?" Peter interjected, staring open mouthed at the two boy's closeness.

"A llama? What does that have to do with anything?" Glaring at Wormtail once more, Sirius huffed and leaned closer to James, who had started to edge away as far as he could with Sirius' arm around him. "No," he whispered, staring straight into James' hazel eyes, "Chicken."

"Chicken?" James rolled his eyes and finally shrugged off Sirius' limb, "Honestly, you're as bad as Wormtail; chicken! What does _that_ have to do with anything?"

"Because, my little wanker, chicken tastes yummy and if you'd only pass the _bloody_ plate I'd be able to try it and see for myself!" Sirius sniffed, drooling slightly as he stared at the platter piled high with roast chicken legs, wings and thighs.

"I still say a llama would have made the night better." Peter grumbled as he watched James pass Sirius the plate, who was drooling harder as the plate came into view.

"Honestly Padfoot, quite drooling; the Giant Squid will be jealous." Remus muttered through his mouthful of potatoes. His head had disappeared behind his book and he was eating as he read. How he managed to eat, read and berate Sirius all at the same time was beyond James.

A rare silence overtook the friends… well, except for Sirius' noisy eating habits, Remus turning a new page, Peter licking the cutlery and James… staring at his peas.

"Hullo Remus, how was your holiday?"

Three Marauders turned to look up as Lily Evans and her friends Alice Anderson and Michelle Harrison came and stood behind Remus, who was the only one who hadn't noticed the three girl's arrival. James stared at Lily's friends, trying to see what their reaction to his presence was.

Michelle, also known as Michi, was pretty well known through out the house. Her auburn hair was wavy where it ended at her shoulders and her blue eyes were nearly always filled with mischief. She was not known for her sanity, nor for her wise comments; she could have been the female version of Sirius if she hadn't befriended Lily first.

Alice was another story all together. Her pale blonde hair curled into little ringlettes that lasted until her collarbone and she almost always had it tied into a ponytail with an apple-red ribbon. She was slightly plump and her brown eyes weren't as expressive as her friends', but she was the nicest of the three and by far the most patient.

James swore she'd have made it better in Hufflepuff. How the three of them were compatible, he'd never know; they were all extremely different.

"James Potter if you don't quit eyeing my boobs there'll be hell to pay!"

Michelle's sudden screech cut through his musings. Glaring at her defiantly, he thrust his chin into the air. "I was _not_ staring at your chest, Harrison."

"Liar, liar penis on fire! Her boobies are brill; you couldn't possibly _not_ stare at them, Prongs!" Sirius clapped James heartily on his back, unaware that James currently wanted to claw at his throat.

Lily however, beat him to it. "Black, I believe the term is: 'Liar, liar _pants_ on fire'." She rolled her eyes, "only you would think to involve penises."

"Pants on fire? Why would his _pants_ be on fire?" Sirius was honestly confused.

"_Why would his penis be on fire then_?" Lily challenged.

Now they were treading in dangerous waters; everyone could sense it… except maybe Sirius. Lily's face was getting increasingly red; her fists were balling and unballing. James could only hope that Sirius didn't say anything too… Sirius-like. Then again, this was Sirius. The big kahoona himself; ponce extraordinaire.

Sirius winked at Lily, slung his arm around her neck, dragging her closer and murmured in an extremely husky voice "You want me to show you, _bébé_?"

He was either incredibly brave, or the biggest prat in Hogwarts' history. James, and several others, was willing to bet big money on the latter.

"Lily? Might I ask _why_ Sirius looks comfortable leaning on you?" Remus may have just saved Sirius' life. Moony, seeing Sirius' smug grin and James' discomfort turned to Lily again in horror. "Lily, please tell me you aren't Sirius' newest… plaything."

Or he may have condemned him. Either way, everyone else was in for an interesting show.

Michi evidently saw this as she winked at James and temporarily forgot the whole 'boob' incident.

Pinching Sirius hard enough to draw blood, and pushing him off of her, Lily took a deep, calming breath.

… Unfortunately, it did not work…

"I am not, nor will ever be, one of Sirius'… tarts!" Her loud voice carried, causing several girls at all the tables to blush and cover their heads and others to wink unabashedly at him with seductive smiles. "If you had been paying attention to the whole… _situation_, Remus, this would never have happened!" Lily resisted the urge to stomp her foot.

"How is this my fault?" Remus questioned, hurt evident in his eyes. His expression must have calmed Lily because her face returned to its normally pale complexion and she sighed.

"I'm sorry Remus, it's just you know how Potter and Black get to me; they're the biggest prats I know!"

Sirius evidently didn't care she was calling him a prat, but James dropped his fork in surprise, "Me? What did I do?! I haven't even spoken to you yet!"

"You don't have to do anything. Simply your existence irks me." Lily sniffed, eyeing James as though he were an insect.

"Irk? Isn't that some sort of gazelle?" Sirius' eyes lit up, "Are you saying that James turns you into a gazelle because that's perfect! You're a gazelle, James is a– ow! Prongs, what was that for? I was telling Lily that you two are perfect for each other and that you will have lots of Prongslettes because she's a gazelle and you're a– ow! Stop kicking me, you twat!" Sirius glared, rubbing his shin from under the table where James had kicked him repeatedly.

"Well, maybe if you weren't such a prat then I wouldn't have to!"

"Excuse me, I'd hate to interrupt your little love-fest–" Lily began.

"We are not gay! No love-fest!"

"–but I'm _not_ a gazelle, nor will I _ever_ bear James' children! Get that idiotic notion out of your heads before I smack it out of you. And Sirius, you dipstick, I think you mean _elk_ – which isn't a gazelle. Irk means to annoy, your soul existence on this planet." she glared.

Michelle raised an eyebrow, "Elk, irk, same difference. And now that you mention it," she tilted her head to the side and inspected Lily, "you do sort of look like a gazelle." She shrugged, shooting a sympathetic grin at Lily's horror-struck face, "but its ok, Lil; I like gazelles!"

"Michi! Who's side are you on? You're _my_ friend!" Lily shrieked, turning to Alice for support only to find her chatting amiably with Peter.

Shrugging again, Michelle grabbed a roll out of Sirius' hands and took a bite out of it. "I'm on whoever-amuses-me-most's side, and today it's Peter." She pointed at the small boy who had begun to attempt to eat Alice's hair, much to her displeasure. "He's weird. And he smells like mushrooms."

Letting out a squeal of annoyance, Lily turned on her heel and stomped off, calling over her shoulder, "And I do not look like a gazelle!"

"Yes she does," Michi nodded wisely, "And her sister looks like a horse. Must be a family thing."

"Well, now that that's over, I'm bored. Anyone up for a quickie? Harrison?" Sirius turned to said girl who had returned to eating the roll.

"Me? Why me?" she inquired, taking another bite of the roll.

"Because you stole my roll– ooh rhymes!– so it's only fair. A roll for a shag." His only reply was getting a roll thrown at his face. Wiping the butter off his forehead, he shouted after her retreating form as she dragged Alice away, "You should be honored I even _want_ to shag you! I am a Sex God!" This statement caused three third year girls sitting nearby to giggle and turn away from the Marauder.

"Face it Pads, she's gone." James gave Sirius a sympathetic pat.

"Oh, but she wants me. So badly. Just the thought of me creates a party in her panties!" He ducked just in time as two rolls and a fork were thrown at his head.

* * *

"You know what I'm thinking?" James murmured as he lay, clad in only his tartan boxers, on his bed, playing with a very beat-up stuffed bunny. The boys were in their room now, having just come back from the Great Hall. 

Remus was reading… again, Sirius was reading a magazine; probably one filled with naked girls – in which case there was probably no _reading_ involved, and Peter was… well, no one was quite sure exactly what he was doing (he was laying on his side, thus whatever he was fiddling with was out of site).

"You were actually thinking?" Remus questioned, not looking up from his book.

"Of course he was thinking, Moony! He was thinking abut how firm Angel's breasts look… mm I'll have a bite of that!" Sirius whispered, bringing the magazine closer to his eyes.

"Sirius you tosser, no one wants to hear your pornographic thoughts! And har-bloody-har, Moony! Of course I was thinking! What, don't you think I'm capable of such a Moony-esque feat?" James laughed, making his raggedy bunny hop on the blanket beside him, its ears flopping limply with each 'hop'.

Remus finally put down his book, "Erm… James? Was that a rhetorical question because–"

"Mm Angel, you naughty picture, you! Come to Paddy, baby!"

Remus and James looked at each other in horror before glancing over at Sirius' bed where he was apparently… kissing a picture. The wanker.

Getting up and moving over to James, Remus grabbed the stuffed animal and threw it at Sirius' head where it hit with a soft _thump_. "Stop wanking, Sirius!"

"Oi! That was my head, you wiener, and for the record, before you go all 'wienering' on me, I was not touching my wiener!" Sirius half-yelled, throwing the rabbit on the floor unceremoniously.

"Stop using the word 'wiener'!" But the conversation stopped as James shrieked and dropped to the edge of the bed, clutching the raggedy stuffed bunny to his breast and wailing.

"Nooo! Not Mr. BunBuns!" He wailed, flailing his free arm dramatically while the other clutched 'Mr. BunBuns' protectively, "Why is it always the innocent? Why?!"

Sirius shook his head pathetically at him as Remus looked from one to the other, an odd expression on his face. "Erm… Sirius? Why is James holding onto a dirty sock like it's worth a thousand galleons?"

Opening his mouth with a shocked expression, Sirius took a step back, "You shouldn't have done that, mate."

"Done what?"

"MR. BUNBUNS IS _NOT_ A DIRTY SOCK! AND IN MY MIND, HE'S WORTH A MILLION GALLEONS!"

"That." Sirius whispered, nodding at the now-hysterical James who was cooing at 'Mr. BunBuns' and muttering things like, 'it's going to be ok,' and 'he didn't _really_ mean it!'

Brow furrowed, Remus ignored James and went back to his bed. "How is it that I've known James for six years and never met … Mr. BunBuns?"

"James probably snuck him out; his mum has been stealing the thing for years, trying to get rid of it and wean him off it. I'm surprised he managed to keep him this year." Sirius murmured thoughtfully.

Remus quirked an eyebrow, "So how do _you_ know of the damned thing?"

"Oh, I tried to eat him once." Sirius smiled happily, as though that explained everything. Remus rolled his eyes but did not comment further, deciding that for the sake of his sanity, he did _not_ want to know.

James got up and walked over to Remus stiffly, holding Mr. BunBuns out. "Remus, I think you should apologize to Mr. BunBuns – you really hurt his feelings."

"Are you serious?"

With an incredibly fake laugh, Sirius jumped on top of Remus, squishing his head, "No you tit, I'm Sirius! Ha, ha… ha." He cleared his throat, roughly pushing Remus' head back down when he'd tried to get up and shake Sirius off him. Turning to the rabbit solemnly, Sirius sighed with mock regret, "We are truly sorry Mr. BunBuns; it will never happen again."

Apparently satisfied, James nodded and went back to his bed, placing his beloved bunny on the pillow gently. "'pology accepted, Moony."

Pushing Sirius off him, Remus finally got up. "This has gone on too far! I am not going along with such ludicrousy this time, Padfoot!" He glowered, snapping at Sirius who'd begun to mouth the words 'shut up'. "In my first year, you died my hair green, second, you pantsed me, third year, you told Professor McGonagall that I fancied her–"

"Oh _yea_, and old Minnie bought it – good times, good times. Awkward for about six months afterward, but good times none-the-less." Sirius grinned to himself.

"FOURTH YEAR," Remus bellowed, attempting to speak over Sirius' interruption, "You burnt half the books in the library and said it was my 'temper' – thank God they were able to be fixed – and _last year_," he paused for breath, "last year you told Marlene Winters I said she looked like a man, knowing that I fancied her, but _this time_ you've gone too far! I, Remus John Lupin, will not apologize to a dirty sock!"

"MR. BUNBUNS IS NOT A DIRTY SOCK!" James yelled, as he grabbed said rabbit from his pillow and held it lovingly.

Sighing, Remus took out his wand, ignoring Sirius' cautious, "whatcha doin' with that Moony?" and advanced on James, "I'm sorry Prongs, but this is for your own good. If your own mum can't wean you off it, I can certainly try." He raised his wand higher, seeing past James' horrified look to the slightly demonic-looking rabbit one.

"Moony, no!" Sirius cried… and tackled him, but not fast enough to stop Remus.

"_Repli_–" he muttered, just as his best mate's body collided with his, jerking his wand arm, "_-ka_" he squeaked as he fell to the floor, Sirius on top of him for the second time that night. 'It had better not become a daily occurrence' was the only thing Remus thought before–

"Padfoot, you _pillock_! What was that for? I missed and used a completely different spell!" He kicked Sirius hard, "_Replika_? _What kind of a spell is _ReplikaNow how will James get over his childhood playthings?"

"Mate," Sirius whispered breathlessly, "I think James has bigger problems now."

"Oh yes, like what – a bruised ego?" The werewolf snapped, brushing off his shoulder as he stood up.

"No," He pointed at James now, "like that."

Rolling his eyes, Remus finally looked up. "Awww did I ruin ickle Prongsie's – bloody hell!" For the second time that day, Remus swore.

There, standing before them, were a pair of James Potters. Yes, pair as in two; a couple; twins; clones; mirror images; duplicates! "Yes Sirius, I do believe you're right." Remus was uttering a phrase he'd thought he'd never say, in a tone much like Sirius' as he regarded the twins who were staring at each other in utmost shock. "James has much, much bigger problems now."

"Remus, you baboon, what did you _do_?" A James shrieked, most presumably the original, "Bloody hell, you _cloned_ me?!"

* * *

**A/N Woot, Woot! This chapter was more of an introduction than anything but I hope you enjoyed it. Yes, 'tis long. I'm going to try and make all my chapters around this length so enjoy! You know, if you review, you get a brownie. A giant cyber brownie – the best kind! I'd just like to see what everyone thought of it so far… mmkay? Love you all.**

**Oh yes. Must thank my lovely betas for the beta'ing for me! Thanks guys, I love you both. Hehe, my wife and my cousin, people! Sorta like a family business, I guess. Woa, never thought about it that way before O.O**

**Oh, and I'd like to point out that the each chapter will be dedicated to the first reviewer of the previous one. So… next chapter will be dedicated to the first reviewer of this one :D**

… **Kinda makes you want to review now, doesn't it? I thought so too.**

**Oh, and for future references, my updates will be 'out of wack'. I update when I get the urge to... I'm a procrastinator at heart, I'm sorry. Please don't hate me for it... And sorry if this chapter was kind of weird.. I wrote it awhile ago, meaning to post it and... well, it's just odd. Let's leave it at that. Sorry for the long-ass authors note... Heh, I'm just sorry for alot of things, now, aren't I?**

**xox Caramel **


	2. Sirius Says

**Woo to everyone who reviewed, y'all know who you are. –smiles-- I love you all!**

**Disclaimer: I don't… own Harry Potter. Isn't crushing my dreams enough for you? Must you rub it in my face as well? --mock sob--**

**Warning:** This chapter is not suitable for nuns, children under thirteen, people who have been cloned and people prone to epilepsy.

**May contain…:** Some peanut butter, nude photos of Voldemort and compromising photos of your grandmum during her days as a fashion runway model.

**So…:** Grab a poptart, Michael Jackson (to hold your hand through the scary scenes), and an elephant to read on.

**Dedicated to: **Zayz

**Because: **You rock for being the first reviewer! I love you:) Oh the gorgeousness… Sorry for it taking so long, I didn't think I'd procrastinate this much…

**Special thanks to…:** Camilla for helping me out of my extreme writer's block (yes, it's her you should thank that this chapter's even up! That's LolaCherryColaGirl, people!)

* * *

_Chasing Lily_

_Chapter two: Sirius Says_

Apparently, when you clone something, intelligence doesn't transfer. At least, that's what the Marauders found out. By the next morning the four of them found out that James' double didn't speak at all and took no initiative to do anything. They – well, Remus – also had thought up a plan to tell people should they ask about the new student. James Potter the Second, or 'Junior' as Sirius dubbed him, would become James' rarely talked about twin sister, and with some hair growing potion from Sirius and a little make-up from Peter – they didn't exactly ask _why_ he had the stuff; too much information – he… er, _she_ did. A nameless female Potter was born.

While all this was happening, Sirius was dealing with Junior. 'She' was dressed in forgotten clothing left by Sirius' little… nighttime buddies. Unfortunately, this meant that the school skirt was too small with the hem barely reaching his knees, the uniform shirt too tight (stuffed with tissues for breasts – which, incidentally, took up most of the shirt space as Sirius stuffed them a little _too_ full in one of James' bras nicked off Lily) and the blazer decorated with pink bears and blue rabbits. Junior looked like a very masculine two knut hooker.

And Sirius said so.

"Padfoot!" James screeched, horrified. "I can _hear_ you!"

"So?" Sirius raised an eyebrow at James as he brushed back Junior's long hair into to two plaits, and began adjusting Junior's breasts, squeezing and moving them around, making Remus and Peter gag and stare at the scene with blank expressions, respectively.

James gave a long-suffering sigh, as though he'd put up with this for far too long. "Well if _I_ can hear you, that means _Junior_ can hear you too! How do you think that makes him _feel_?!"

Sirius blinked, momentarily at a loss, then – "You poof."

"That's beside the point, Padfoot! He can still hear you!" James cried, staring in apprehension at Junior, who remained impassive, staring at the wall of the dorm.

"Prongs, I think you're reading too much in to this." Shaking his head, Sirius finally finished adjusting Junior's breasts, plumping them up and rounding them.

Remus watched him all the while, a mixture of horror and disgust plastered upon his face. "Padfoot, you don't know how disturbing you and 'Junior' look right now." He rubbed the back of his neck, unable to take his eyes off the pair, no matter how much he appeared to want to. "And James, you need to get used to calling Junior 'she' and 'her' instead of 'he' and 'him'. Junior's supposed to be your _sister_! People will eventually notice, no matter how thick you think they are." His eyes never left of Sirius feeling up an abnormally feminine James' breasts.

Getting up from the bed where he'd been sitting, Peter moved closer to the pair, revulsion etched on his round face. "You do know that we're late for class, don't you?"

Remus' head turned around so fast his neck cracked, "What? We can't be late; I've never been late!"

"Not true, Moony." Sirius interjected, "Remember when we set that wild goat loose in the hallways, and you said it was morally wrong to have it be so pink, so we had to hunt it down? It took us forever to chase it and make it to Charms on time! Or the time when we glued Peter to the portrait of Barnabus the Barmy?" Here Peter glared at Sirius, who pointedly ignored him, "It took us twenty minutes to unstick him and we all had to listen to his theory of arse rashes –"

"Some more that others," Peter grumbled, glaring darkly into his pillow.

"Or the time when I ate James' left shoe and you had to –"

"Ok, I get it, Sirius! I've been late to class before!" Remus cried, burying his head in his hands, "Let's just _not_ try and remember that time and get to class!"

Sirius grinned wryly at Remus, who refused to look at him. "You know you loved it, Mu-hoony, don't deny it! I was your first love!"

"Ugh," Remus gagged, "I think I just vomited in my mouth a little."

"Hey! I'm not _that_ bad! I like to think I'm gorgeous!" Sirius grinned, "With my long and flow-y hair!" He sang, throwing his arms in the air dramatically, in the classic 'ta-da!' style.

"Sure Pads, you keep thinking that. Besides, we all know that Moony's first love is books, with his second being the lovely Miss Winters of Ravenclaw." James teased.

Remus turned a healthy shade of brick red, mumbling something akin to 'shut up, you pair of baboons'.

"C'mon! We're late for class; let's go already!" Peter whined, stomping his foot impatiently.

"Keep your panties on, Wormy, mate, I just wanna finish Junior's make-up. Since when have you been so keen on class, anyway?"

"Since Siobhan Rogers is in our first class, patiently awaiting our Wormtail to come and sit next to her." Remus grinned, keen to steer the conversation away from his own love life and onto other topics.

Peter blushed and said nothing, but glared at Remus, who shrugged.

"Aww Pads," James crooned, "look at our ickle Remykins and baby Peteywetey! All grown up and having crushes! You're breakin' my little heart here, mates!" He clutched his chest, sniffing loudly and wiping away a mock tear off his cheek.

Laughing, Sirius clutched Junior's arm for support, "They grow up so fast!" Remus rolled his eyes at their antics, but let him continue. "Oh, and Moony? Just to catch you up with recent events as we _all_ know you're severely behind," he winked, "No one's called her 'Siobhan' since first year."

"Yea," Peter agreed, nodding along happily, "She's been 'Bear' for forever."

"I'm not calling Siobhan 'Bear', that's just insulting." Remus snorted, glaring at Sirius.

Sirius tilted his head at Remus, "Why? It's not like she minds, if she did, she'd have said something by now; it's only been five years – plenty of time to speak up. I think she's gotten used to it, mate, no use changing or trying to find her a new nickname _now_."

"She's a Hufflepuff," James laughed, "Of course she doesn't _mind_, but that doesn't mean she _likes_ it. Bear probably puts up with it because it stopped being insulting ages ago; she's lost a lot of weight since first year… have you seen her now, Pads?"

Giving a really fake gasp, Sirius stopped messing around with Junior's shirt, "Le gasp! What's this I hear? Prongs actually admits there are other hot birds besides Evans? It's the end of the world! The apocalypse! The end is near! Run, run! Flee for your worthless lives, feeble peasants! It shall be ye who die first!"

"You twat!" James glared, throwing his pillow at Sirius who ducked and flipped him off, still grinning wildly. "Just because there are other hot girls besides Evans," Here Sirius gave another fake gasp and staggered around the room, stopping only when James sent a hex in his general direction, "it doesn't mean I want them. Lily is much better for me than they are."

"Oh yes, and the perfect example of that is her complete and utter adoration of all things James Potter. She only worships the ground you walk on, Prongs, I mean, really! Her secret love for you astounds me!" Sirius said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. He turned to Junior and began nudging him, "You hear that, mate? Prongs actually thinks he's going to marry Evans!" He snickered and turned back to James, who was glaring at him icily, "The day you marry Evans is the day that I fall deeply and madly in love with Moony and shag him senseless every day." He nodded curtly, and winked at Remus, who mimed throwing up.

James smirked at his friend, "I didn't know you were a fairy, Pads! Be prepared to want to shag Moony then, Padfoot, because I will marry Evans one day."

"Can't we just leave me out of this and get to class?" Remus whined, not keen on the slight chance he'd have Sirius chasing him and wanting to feel up his… nether bits.

Both boys ignored him, smirking evilly at the other, "Deal." Sirius said, reaching his hand out for James to shake it, and he did. "Fine, Moony," He rolled his eyes, "Let's get going."

"Thank Merlin!" Peter cried, and jumped off the bed and hurried out of the door, the others trailing behind him. It was only when they'd gotten to the end of the staircase that they'd noticed that Junior wasn't following them.

"Alright, why isn't Junior following us?" James said crossly, his arms folded against his chest.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "I don't know, Prongs, why don't you go up and ask her yourself?" He turned to the staircase and shouted, "JUNIOR! Junior, come _now_!" Stomping his foot, he raised his voice when he didn't hear footsteps, "JUNIOR COME! COME!"

"He's not coming!" Peter whined, "Can I go to class without you?"

"No," James snapped, "We have to stick together or detention with McGonagall for being late will be a drag." Peter consented, but went to the back of the group and sulked. "Maybe we should go up and fetch her?"

Shaking his head, Sirius narrowed his eyes at the staircase, "No, she'll never learn if we do that. JUNIOR, COME NOW! SIRIUS SAYS COME!" He paused to take a deep breath and was forced to stop when he heard the sound of footsteps thundering down the stairs. All four Marauders were shocked at the sight of Junior, clad in his girly clothes, coming down the staircase and stopping just in front of Sirius, staring straight ahead like some sort of drag army man.

"How'd you do that?!" Peter whispered, as though he were afraid that if he spoke too loudly Junior might run off. "Do it again."

"I-I don't know what I did," Sirius said, shocked. He stared openly at Junior, his mouth open.

Remus looked from Sirius to Junior and back, his gaze intense. "Sirius," he commanded softly, "Go over to the chair and call him over again." No one bothered to correct Remus' use of the word 'him', just as no one bothered to correct Peter earlier when he made the same mistake – they were past that right now, there were more important things and besides, no one was around.

Obediently, Sirius went over to the armchair next to the fireplace and took another deep breath, expelling it slowly. "Junior, come." He commanded, but Junior didn't even bother to look over at him and continued to stare straight ahead with a blank expression. "Junior, COME!" Sirius turned back to Remus, "He's not doing it, Moony!"

"Maybe you should do it louder?" Remus suggested, unsure of what and how it had exactly happened.

Sirius nodded and began shouting louder, earning angry glares from the portraits in the common room. "SIRIUS SAYS COME, JUNIOR! COME NOW!" But before he'd even finished his sentence, Junior was at his side, just as before. It dawned on him a moment later, "It's the 'Sirius Says' bit, Moony!"

Rolling his eyes, Remus walked over and looked doubtfully over at Junior. "I doubt it. Why would the only thing she understands be 'Sirius Says'? Why not 'James' or 'hello' at least?"

"Because I'm the sexiest one out of all of you lot." Sirius smirked, winking slyly at Junior.

"It doesn't work like that, Padfoot," James glared, eyeing Junior nervously.

If at all possible, Sirius' smirked broadened. "Well, let's find out, shall we? Junior, Sirius Says dance." Almost immediately, Junior began wiggling his bottom in the skirt and waving his arms wildly, nearly maiming Peter in the process.

"Bloody hell, Prongs; he dances just as horribly as you do!" Sirius laughed, earning a glare from James who mumbled something incoherent. "Alright, let's try something else, then! Junior," He mused, and tapped his chin thoughtfully, "Sirius Says…" he looked around the room for inspiration, his gaze landing wickedly on Peter. "Junior, Sirius Says go hump Peter."

He only had a moment to move before Junior came running towards him, and, letting out a high-pitched squeal, Peter made a mad dash for the Portrait hole. Unfortunately for him, Junior had longer legs and Peter was forced to re-think his escape plan and swerved to the right, changing into Wormtail as he did so and scurrying under the couch.

"Aww, no fair! Turning into an animagus is _cheating_, you bloody wanker. That's no fun." Sirius whined, watching Junior attempt to get under the couch and to his intended victim. "_Fine_," he sighed, "Sirius Says stop, Junior." And Junior stopped moving and withdrew his arm out from under the couch.

A sharp _bump_ emanated from somewhere under the couch, before they heard Peter's voice. "Thank Merlin, can we please get back to class now?"

"Yes, Petey-darling," Sirius rolled his eyes, "We can get to class… although for future reference, I'd make sure I wasn't _under_ the couch when I tried to transform back." He smirked and guided Junior by the arm towards the portrait door like you would a child. Turning back to James he called out, dramatically, "To class!" and pointed upwards, as though on a mission.

Rolling his eyes at the back of the group, Remus quickly calmed the din that ensued and muttered, "Yes, to class… before I go insane and lose the ability to function properly."

* * *

"Lily, if you were a food, what would you be?" Michelle randomly asked, sitting in their charms class, using her quill to tickle her best mate's cheek.

The girl in question absentmindedly rubbed the side of her face and continued to levitate pillows across the room. "Mmm, I don't know," she mumbled, focusing on getting her pillow to land directly in the box, "An apple, maybe?"

"An apple, Evans? That's so boring!" Sirius cried, plopping down in the seat next to Michelle's, much to her dismay. "Well I know what I would be," he grinned, flicking his wand and making his pillow zoom through the air and land neatly atop Lily's, earning a glare from her.

"Oh, this should be interesting," Michelle said sarcastically, rolling her eyes, "Do tell! What would the Great Sirius Black be if he were a food?"

Not thinking properly, Sirius quickly replied, "A creampuff." Lily choked on air and turned red in the face, while Michelle began laughing hysterically. Realizing his mistake, Sirius sat up straighter in his chair, crying, "I mean, a very deadly, _manly_ creampuff – the pastry, you know, would be all sharp and pointy… and uhm… the cream inside would be… er… poisoned and the powdered sugar would be… uhm… powdered _swords_. Yea, that sounds like a very cool food. Yea, yea I would like to be that kind of a creampuff… would _not_ want to eat one though!"

"Nice try, Black, but creampuffs aren't _manly_." Michelle laughed, shaking her head and wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Well _I_ would make the creampuff manly," he huffed, sliding further down into his chair, "Like you would know what manly is, Harrison! And how many men have you shagged recently?" He retorted, folding his arms across his chest.

Michelle turned red in the face, but was saved from answering with the arrival of the rest of the Marauders along with the most hideous girl she had ever seen. "They're invading, they're invading!" She chose to shriek, making a point to ensure she was next to Sirius' ear. She watched in satisfaction as he winced slightly, and grinned to herself.

"Harrison - heal!" James winked, and sat on the other side of Sirius, with Remus slipping in on his other side and Peter sliding in next to some Hufflepuff girl called Bear that Lily chose to associate herself with on rare occasions. They pulled up a chair for Junior next to Sirius, as he was the only person who was fully capable of controlling him, for whatever strange reason. Michelle flipped James off, and finally began to concentrate on levitating her pillow. "Nice of you to wait for us, Padfoot," he muttered, lowering his voice so no one except Sirius and Remus heard, "Junior wouldn't listen to anyone else after you left; we had to drag her here forcefully."

"It's because 'James Says' and 'Remus Says' just don't sound as good." Sirius replied cheerfully, charming another cushion to land on another of Lily's, much to her fresh irritation.

Remus snorted, "I'm sure Junior can't tell the difference, but just in case, don't spontaneously leave us again."

"I wouldn't have had to if you guys weren't taking forever," Sirius muttered darkly, but quickly assumed a sugary sweet tone, "I promise I won't leave you to mummy our future children, Remmy-kins."

At his words, Michelle, on his other side, gave a small strangling noise just as Remus turned and hissed, "Lower your _voice_!" To which only further increased the frequency and volume of Michelle's choking.

"Oh look, Moony – Harrison's dying!" Sirius quipped cheerfully, with no trace of worry, and charmed a pillow onto the mark, this time before Lily managed to, at which point she sent a hex in his general direction. Sirius ducked to avoid the hex and ignored a Hufflepuff's shriek of terror as he found himself covered rashes that looked uncannily like some Muggle STD.

Remus quickly reached around Sirius and patted Michelle on the back, "Michelle, we aren't gay. I promise." He attempted to brush her hair out of her face, but she batted his hand away.

"Oh what a disappointment," She snickered dryly.

Sirius turned and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at her, "You know it, Harrison. Feel like testing that out to see just _how_ disappointed you'd be if you found out I was gay because you'd miss me just – so – much?"

She was interrupted for a second time by the arrival of Professor Flitwick, the Charms teacher who began teaching at Hogwarts the year before. In James' opinion, he was alright, but Sirius insisted that short people should just become Muggle jugglers – this was presumably due to the fact that their previous Charms teacher was a tall, busty female teacher who had barely graduated herself and who'd only quit because she'd fallen pregnant, much to Sirius' disappointment.

"Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew! Feel like explaining why you're all late?" He said, his voice unusually stern for such a small man. It was then upon which his gaze had fallen upon Junior and he gave a small squeak at her appearance, "O-oh… dear. Well, my dear, who are you?"

"This," James put a nervous arm around Junior, while Sirius snickered into his hand and Remus fidgeted slightly in his seat, "is my twin sister." Peter, a row ahead of them with Bear, put his head down in the hopes that the Professor would simply skip over him in the next moment.

Professor Flitwick raised an eyebrow, "I was not under the impression that you had a _sibling_, let alone a _twin_."

"Yea, we… err… we don't talk about her much." James muttered, glaring at Sirius who was having a hard time making his laughter sound like coughs, not that he was trying all that hard.

Flitwick took one look at Junior's slightly _Stupify_d look, drool sliding down her chin, and nodded, "I see." James nodded seriously, elbowing Sirius who was close to falling off his chair at this point. "Well, I'm afraid I'll still need a letter from the Headmaster or your parents… unless you have it on you now?"

Remus stepped in at this point, feeling that James was quickly sliding out of his depth. "I'm afraid we left that in our dorm room last night and… er… Sirius had an… _unfortunate_ accident on it."

Sirius quickly stopped laughing, but his laughter was replaced by Michelle's, who had been listening in on the conversation. She clutched at her sides, tears threatening to fall down her face. "I do _not_ piss the bed, Moony." He hissed, glaring at Remus.

"Who said anything about wetting the bed, Padfoot?" Remus said innocently, looking at his mate with big puppy-dog eyes that would have made anyone else melt and give in. He leaned in softly and muttered, "Revenge is sweet, don't you think?"

Sirius' eyes widened before he chuckled, accepting that his friend had outwitted him, prank-wise at least, that time.

"I'm afraid that 'accidents' or no, I'll still need a letter of approval from the Headmaster before you may attend my class, Miss Potter." Flitwick stated, staring at Junior, waiting for her response.

Sirius quickly leaned in and hissed, "_Sirius Says say 'I'll go get it now with my brother and his friends'!_" Before straightening up and clearing his throat pointedly.

"I'll go get it now with my brother and his friends." Junior stated, voice monotone and dull, staring straight ahead.

"I'm afraid you may not take your brother and his friends, as they need to catch up for being late." Flitwick stared at the Marauders pointedly so that Sirius didn't have the opportunity to lean over and whisper something in Junior's ear without tipping the guy off. Unfortunately for the Professor, this was putting him entirely on Sirius' "To Prank" list that was almost as homicidal as Harrison's "To Stab" list.

"I'm afraid that James' sister is so new, she doesn't know the way. We can catch up on our work; we've never had the problem before." Remus spoke up, thinking quickly.

The Professor raised an already-greying eyebrow, "And why must all four of you accompany Ms Potter to the Headmaster's office?"

Remus cleared his throat; apparently, he'd never thought of it past that. "Because the rest of us wouldn't be able to concentrate anyway," James spoke up, "We're too attached to my sister as it is, really…" James trailed off as he saw the disbelieving look on Flitwick's face; he obviously wasn't buying it.

"Because James, Peter, Remus and I already needed to see Professor Dumbledore about our detentions anyway, so we'd rather not make the trip twice." Sirius snapped, finally coming up with an answer, even if it was astonishingly grammatically correct for him. Of course there was no detention – this time, but Sirius had trusted to the gossip mill in the teacher's lounge to warn the Professor ahead of time about the Marauders.

Thankfully, the gossip of Hogwarts came through and Flitwick grudgingly waved them off, as though only somewhat thankful to be rid of them. "_Sirius Says: Come with me._" Sirius hissed, stuffing his wand in his pocket and grabbing Junior by the arms, ignoring Michelle's irritated stares and Lily's glares as they walked out of the room.

Somehow, on the way to the Headmaster's office, the Marauders glanced at each other, knowing they were all nervous; an emotion that was somewhat alien to them. This was something that could really, truly get them into trouble. The feeling didn't lessen as they reached the stone gargoyle, emitted the password ("gurgling gumdrops") and climbed the steps slowly to what felt like their eminent doom… who said teenage boys couldn't be melodramatic?

* * *

**AN: **Oh.em.gee… I'm so sorry this took so long. But I got sick, then I had tests, then I spazticated and flew into this huge writer's block, then I had some more tests and went under huge pressure-stress problems and now I'm sick again… can you ever forgive me?

Ja, I know, Flitwick is a little OOC here, but I'm putting it down to the fact that **a)** Voldemort still isn't "defeated" yet, and **b)** he's just plain younger.

Ok, ok, here's how to get me to updated faster… pay attention now, children. First you get a huge tank put together, then you **CENSORED** now, watch as the molten lava fills the chamber **CENSORED** put all the goats in a blender** CENSORED** capture Chris Rock **CENSORED** bind and gag the fangirls **CENSORED** man, that was some way to get me to update faster, and if you got all that, then I'll definitely have it up by tomorrow. :)

Woop, this is the LONGEST chapter I've ever written ! Excluding my ANs, it's 4002 words, and nine pages long! –wipes mock tear- I'm so proud of myself.

Love you all! Reviews are appreciated!

Pray that the next chapter will be up sooner, though because I'm doing full IB, I'm never sure.

You know the drill, first reviewer gets the next chapter dedicated to him/her.

xox Caramel


	3. It's Raining Hot, Gay Men

Disclaimer I am not profiting from the production of this fanfiction

**Disclaimer** I am not profiting from the production of this fanfiction. All rights, characters, universe and creations in this fanfiction belong solely to JKR and Bloomsbury Productions with the exceptions of the characters that have come out of my imagination… and Michelle, who I hope owns herself... oh, and Jude who was created by simonexsays from fictionpress who has kindly given me permission to use him; lets hope I use him well. Rawr.

**Warning:** This chapter is not suitable for Harry Potter nerds, Severus Snape haters, homophobes and your mum.

**May Contain…: **Paris Hilton's sex tapes, some mustard and photos of your grandda covered in tacos.

**So…:** Grab a kiddie, some toast and a wooden pig (for good wishes) and carry on.

**Dedicated to: **ajteel0203  
**Because: **she reviewed last chapter rocks. which makes her awesome.

**Special Thanks To…: **Simmy for Jude, and Spearmint gum that really, really keeps me good company during long flights. Oh, and Harry Plopper, my very own wooden pig.

* * *

Chapter 3 – It's Raining Hot, Gay Men

"I have to say that I'm moderately impressed, Mr Lupin." Professor Dumbledore stated, eyeing the boy calmly over the rims of his glasses. His face was stern and emotionless, but his eyes were twinkling.

Remus spluttered, eyes widening at the unexpected response. "Y-you are, Professor?" His face was still extremely red from the re-telling of the whole story; done by Sirius with obvious exaggerations and minor changes that made them all look good. He'd expected some sort of retribution for cloning another student, even if it was by accident, and was already planning out his formal apology by letter to all the individual teachers when the Headmaster had spoken.

"Not many can clone another student, Remus." Dumbledore said, his voice soft, "And even less can do so with that particular spell or at your age."

Sirius clapped Remus on the back, a proud grin plastered across his face as though he were the one to personally teach him the spell. James grinned at him with Peter at his side, both too far away to physically congratulate their friend. Remus had no idea what to say, and so remained quiet. As if Dumbledore sensed that, he carried on.

"However, as impressive as your little stunt was, I'm afraid that we have a grave situation on our hands." The headmaster leaned back, intertwining his fingers and gazing intently at the four, obviously heterosexual boys and the one boy in grotesque drag. Raising his voice slightly, Dumbledore sighed and continued, "We now have two James Potters – a feature that is obviously a problem. It does not agree with the St Mungo's birthing records, and the Ministry will want to know why there is no mention of another Potter before this. If we tell them the truth, Mr Lupin could be in serious trouble – although no harm came to young Mr Potter, some of the more… challenging members of the Wizengamot could misconstrue it as an attempt on his life-" The Headmaster raised a hand to halt the protests of the three boys and gave James and Sirius – who had been behind the loudest of the noise – a gaze that silenced them.

"While _I_ know that young Mr Lupin would never harm anyone intentionally, you must understand that a spell this denatured and of this calibre is unseen of in most fully developed wizards. The fact that Mr Lupin could clone another student at sixteen and with a spell not approved of, or designed by, the Ministry of Magic will clearly frighten those Ministry Officials who aren't as… open minded to people with Mr Lupin's… condition. They will want him taken care of."

Dumbledore paused and gazed at the four, who all had horrified – and terrified – expressions on their faces. "Th-they can't _really_ do that, can they, Professor? It's illegal!" Peter spoke up, his voice stuttering with the power of his fear.

Shaking his head, Dumbledore spoke in a voice that betrayed sadness. "It should be, Mr Pettigrew, but it is not. Simply suspicion could land Mr Lupin in Azkaban – even at his age, Mr Lupin is considered a dangerous threat. I've had to pull tremendous strings to get them to allow him to attend this school, let alone the strings I've had to pull to keep the _Prophet_ unaware of the whole situation." Here Remus hung his head, as though deeply ashamed. "Now, now, Remus –" Dumbledore used his first name in his affection, causing Remus to look up into Dumbledore's twinkling blue eyes. "-It wasn't as though it's all been for naught; you're one of my brightest students, and it's all been worth the effort."

The others grinned broadly as Remus smiled weakly. "Thank you, Professor."

Nodding, Dumbledore again leaned back in his chair, turning his gaze out to the window instead. "Never the less, Mr Lupin will scare some of those unfortunately ignorant Officials. This must remain a secret… but how to explain the sudden appearance of a new member of one of the highest ranking Pureblood families?" The Headmaster tugged on his beard thoughtfully, musing the newest predicament.

"Aren't there spells that can change Junior's appearance?" James muttered, thinking aloud. "I mean, there's Polyjuice Potion, and I'm sure you know a million spells that change your appearance. It's not as if Junior will really know what's going on, anyway. She's not really all that smart, you know." Whispering the last bit as though terrified she might hear and get mad, James looked at Junior, who was picking her nose and staring at Fawkes' flames, oblivious to the whole situation.

Dumbledore turned to stare at her too, trying not to smile at Junior's nosepicking. "I see what you mean, Mr. Potter."

"HEY! She's right here!" Sirius claimed, pointing at Junior with obvious dramatics. Junior, who kept her finger in her nose, turned to look at them, a dull expression on her face. Groaning, Sirius muttered, "Sirius Says take your finger out of your nose." Junior quickly complied, no emotion on her overly made up face.

"Fascinating… and she listens to whatever you say?" Dumbledore asked, eyeing Juior with a profound expression.

James and Sirius looked at each other and shrugged, turning to Remus to explain. "Only when Sirius says, 'Sirius Says', Professor." He offered, shrugging as well. "We've tried to get her to listen other ways, but she doesn't express any amount of intelligence… we're not sure why she only listens to Sirius, either."

"It's because I'm gorgeous." The boy in question interrupted. "She appreciates my rugged good looks."

Dumbledore, wisely choosing to ignore Sirius, continued to look at Junior. "This may complicate things," he murmured, "Or it may help solve the whole situation. Either way, I think it's best you leave Junior with me, and I'll see if I can keep her appearance quiet."

"We can't leave her with you! She doesn't listen to 'Dumbledore Says', or 'Professor Says'! Junior _needs_ me." Sirius cried, flailing his arms, eyes wide. "Do you have any idea how this will _devastate_ her?"

James looked at Junior briefly before turning back to Sirius, "Oh yes, she's clearly devastated." He said dryly, motioning to her bland expression; it was obvious she either didn't care in the slightest, or she just didn't understand the situation (and never would). When Sirius pouted, James sighed and continued, "It's what's best for her. How would she stay with us? She'd share a room with Evans and Harrison, and they're not stupid – they'd find out eventually. Think about it, Pads. She's better off this way."

Looking from Remus, to Junior, to Dumbledore helplessly, Sirius finally sighed and gave in. "I s'pose so," he said, his tone dull. "Just- just let me say goodbye." His lip wobbled and he turned to Junior with a dramatically sad expression on his face. "Junior – you were the butter to my muffin. I'll never forget you!" Sirius stretched out his arms for a hug, but quickly noticed that Junior's finger had somehow managed to find his nose once more during his 'heartfelt' speech. Recoiling, Sirius hung his head, "Ruined the moment, that did," He muttered dryly. "Sirius Says stop picking your nose – and keep it out!"

Junior complied and Sirius reluctantly stepped forward to pat her head awkwardly. "Goodbye Junior, you were the best best-mate's-clone-slash-little-sister a bloke could ask for." He sniffed loudly and step back, staring at James, Peter and Remus as though waiting for them to say bye to the hideous clone as well. Sirius eyed them all, his gray eyes narrowing and he coughed and cleared his throat expectantly.

Sighing, James stepped forward. "Goodbye then… err… James Junior. It was… erm… very awkward meeting you." He grinned quickly and stepped back, rubbing the back of his neck and looking away at the portraits on the wall, one of whom which winked at him and smiled.

Peter came up next, his watery blue eyes wide with his hesitation. "Bye then." It was precise and quick to the point; something to be said for that after Sirius and James' awkward farewells.

Groaning loudly as Sirius stared at him pointedly; Remus walked up to Junior and crossed his arms. "I apologize for bringing you into this world, Junior. Goodbye." He smiled weakly at the end, uncrossing his arms but making no move to touch the boy in drag.

A minute passed slowly and the four boys did not know what to say after that; however, Dumbledore quickly stepped in. "Well, it appears to be close to lunch now – why don't you four head down to the Great Hall while I fix matters up here. You may then proceed to your following classes." Dumbledore glanced knowingly at Remus, who smiled and nodded his understanding – he was to make sure they did actually head back to class.

Sirius stared forlornly at Junior, but nevertheless followed Remus slowly as he was pulled along out of the Headmaster's office and down the stairs. "Well, that takes care of that then." He pouted, failing to notice two Sixth Year Hufflepuffs eyeing him up.

"It won't be that bad, Sirius. Really, it's what's best for her." Remus came up and patted Sirius' back comfortingly, having grown quite worried when his best mate hadn't flirted back at the two well-endowed girls.

"Yeh, I know. I'll just miss having someone listen to whatever I say!" He sniffed and pouted again, "I mean, it's not like you lot turned out well at all! I failed to train you properly and here Junior was and she didn't need any training!"

Rolling his eyes, James huffed and shoved his hands in his pockets. "And here we all thought you'd miss Junior because you actually cared what happened to her." He said sarcastically, raising an eyebrow at his friend.

"Well, that too." Sirius said, shrugging.

"Like, look who it is!" The four Marauders stopped as the voice sounded down the hall – Jude Phillips. They turned to see him strutting down the hallway; his hair was carefully gelled into a natural style, with stray wisps framing his gorgeous face – Jude was easily as hot as, or hotter than, Sirius and James. High cheekbones and full, pouty lips stretched as Jude smiled, flashing them with straight, white teeth. Unfortunately for the homophobic Sirius, Jude was gay. "You so didn't hit me up over the summer hols," Jude pouted, his voice turning an adorable sulky. "No letter or phone call, or anything." He crossed his arms delicately over his muscled chest, the Ravenclaw prefects badge glistening in the dim light.

Sirius gave off a high-pitched nervous laugh, "Oh we didn't, did we? I definitely remember writing a letter! Guess I must've forgotten to send it!" He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and avoided all eye-contact with Jude.

Rolling his eyes at Sirius, Remus folded his arms. "Well, I didn't write anyone much. Sorry, Phillips."

Jude nodded respectfully – of all the Marauders, Remus was the only one who treated him as a person, and not a homosexual man, specifically, "Well, like, has anyone seen Lily and Michi? I totally haven't seen them yet, and I've been missing my Lily, like, so much!" He grinned as he noticed that James had tensed when he'd said 'my Lily', "Relax, Potter, Lils isn't my type." Jude wiggled his eyebrows suggestively as he said this, causing James to turn bright red.

"Oh look, Lily! It's raining hot, gay men!" Michelle shrieked joyfully from behind them, running full-speed into Jude's open and ready arms.

Jude lifted her up into the air and flung her gracefully around before setting her on her toes and kissing her forehead tenderly. "Well, if it isn't my sex beast, herself." Jude grinned, turning and giving Lily the same treatment. James watched jealously as Lily laughed happily in Jude's arms, her fingers clinging to Jude's form-fitting black sweater, as though she didn't want to ever let him go.

"What's wrong, Potter? Jealous that Jude's getting all of Lily's love?" Michelle smirked, completely ignoring James' incredulous snort, and linked arms with Jude and Lily, "Come, _mes petites nincompoops_, to lunch!"

They set off, with Michelle and Lily laughing amiably with Jude – who was a particularly close friend of theirs – and with the Marauders following silently behind. Remus had gotten out his book and was walking as he read, and Peter was on his toes, looking for someone. James was eyeing Jude and Lily speculatively, as though doubting that Jude was, in fact, gay. Sirius was eyeing Jude too, though for completely different reasons.

"He knows!" He whispered dramatically, waiting for Jude, Lily and Michelle to get a safe distance away.

James side-glanced Sirius questioningly, "He knows what, Padfoot? Who's 'he' anyway?"

"Jude!" Sirius half-whispered, half-shrieked, "He knows!"

Remus sighed from behind his book, "Knows what, Pads? I'm sure he knows a lot, something specific would be nice." Unlike the other two, Remus didn't bother trying to whisper and spoke at a normal voice level; Sirius winced.

"He knows I don't like him… _he knows_." He flailed his arms theatrically, his eyes never leaving Jude's back.

The four finally reached the Great Hall doors and Remus carefully marked his page and replaced his book in his bag, snorting at Sirius. "Pads, the whole _school_ knows. I don't know why you'd think they wouldn't – you freak out every time you see a homosexual man – oh stop it, Sirius!" Sirius had squeaked when Remus had said the word 'homosexual'. "I don't know why it bothers you so much."

Sirius scoffed, adjusting the hem of his shirt. "It's just not _natural_! I was raised to believe that a man and woman belong together, not a man and a man!"

"And we all know how much your parents knew about raising a child, don't we?" Remus said dryly, raising an eyebrow at Sirius.

"Oi, that was out of line, Moony." James spoke up suddenly, scowling at Remus.

Nodding, Remus muttered his apology at Sirius as they sat down in their customary seats. "Sorry, Pads, but I just don't think homosexuality is that big of a deal – you can't help who you fall in love with."

"Yes, but it's not _natural_!" Sirius persisted, tapping his fork against his plate incessantly.

"Neither is glasses, but James wears those, doesn't he?"

Sighing dramatically, Sirius finally put his fork down and muttered – just before Dumbledore's speech had begun, "Yes, but James' glasses aren't trying to kiss me, are they?"

* * *

More of a filler than anything, so I'm sorry for all my lovies that I disappointed with this. I had to get rid of Junior for now, though I may bring her back if people want me to. I'd like **comments on Sirius' homophobia** – do you want him to come to his senses, or do you think it'd be funnier if he was homophobic? Future interactions may be based on your responses, so reply please!

As to Jude… as I said before, he's all Simmy's.

Next chapter update may be awhile, but, then again, I have spring break right now so don't get too disappointed – I may spare some time from my planning to write. You know how spring breaks are, partying and all :) I loves me parties.

Carrie xxx


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